Thinking about Adoption

I am thinking about adoption. I am also thinking about Pinnochio--the wooden puppet who wanted to be a "real" boy. My mind keeps returning to the phrase "a real boy". I wonder what makes "a real boy"? I just don't know. These thoughts are the fruit of something of something somebody said the other day. They were speaking about an adopted child's birthparents and referred to them as the child's "real" parents.

We have all had a turn at misspeaking. Many well meaning people ask adoptive parents if they want any children "of their own." Or they may ask if the adoptive parents have met the "real" parents or if they know anything about the "real" family. These types of questions and statements reveal a fudamental misunderstanding of what adoption really means.

Some believe a wooden puppet stands a better chance of becoming a real boy than an adoptive family has of becoming a real family. So I ask: what makes a "real" parent? Is it merely a biological connection that makes one a parent? Is it a set of skills one learns? Is it a nature or a character? What makes a parent real?

If family was merely biological why would Jesus point to a relationship higher than biology (see Matt. 10:37 and Matt 12:48). Not to oversimplify, but these verses teach us that mere biology doesn't make a family. Jesus said it is more important to be in God's family than to maintain biological connections. Anybody can learn the skills a person needs to be a good parent, yet not be a parent (like a babysitter). A person can have a very nurturing nature, but not be a parent (a person who loves animals).

I would answer the question, "What makes a person a real parent?", with one word--love. Not the kind of sentimental drivel people put on greeting cards, but the kind of love described in 1 Cor. 13. The kind of love that stays by a sick child's bedside all night long; that stays on its knees in prayer to the Lord; that would give its last drop of blood to save its child; that would brave the flames of hell to rescue the erring child; that would endure without requiring a return. We have all heard the expression: anyone can have a baby--it takes love to make a parent.

On June 25th, 2006 at 3:12 in the afternoon. I watched a young woman give birth to my (adoptive) daughter, Ellie Grace, while my wife stood by her side coaching and comforting her. I had met and talked with Ellie's birth mother; her birth father was unknown. But, if you ask me do I know her real parents, I would have to say intimately.

On July 3rd, 2007 my (adoptive) daughter Sophia Hope was born in Gautemala. Her birth father is unknown, and I have never met her birth mother, although I have seen a picture of her. Ask me if I know her real parents, and I will tell you I know them intimately.

Currently I have two daughters. Ellie Grace, has gone on to her heavenly Father. Sophia Hope, will soon come to live with her earthly parents. And in the future we plan on adopting more children and adding them to our real family.

I want to thank all of you who have been by our side during this adoption process. I appreciate your love and your thoughtfulness. We have not morned alone, but have been lifted to God in your prayers and encouraged by your love. May God bless you.