The Only Way to Find Yourself

This article was originally published here, on August 8, 2009 under the title "There Is Only One Way to Find Yourself."

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matt 10:39).

This verse follows two warnings. The first one said, "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell" (Matt. 10:28). The second warning states, "Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves sons or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take us his cross and follow me is not worthy of me" (Matt. 10:37-38).  Through these warnings, Jesus has set the stage for this statement.  His statement is thought provoking.  How can one find his life only to lose it?  And how can they lose their life, yet find it?

The statement presses us to consider the two types of life one can have.  One type of life, initially looks rewarding, but really brings about death.  As Jesus said, "Whoever finds his life will lose it."  The "life" spoken of here reflects a life without Christ.  This life is one that is not built on Christ's teaching.  In one sense, it is a kingdom without suffering--no cross, no Christ, and no hope.  The other type of life, initially looks like death, but really brings about great reward.  Jesus states, "And whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." This life is a life centered on Jesus and his teachings.  In a sense, it is a kingdom which is entered into through suffering--a cross with Christ and abounding hope.

Jesus' statement forces us into a decision.  One must choose between the two lives: a kingdom without suffering up front, but total destruction in the end, or a kingdom with suffering up front, but joy in the end. 
Imagine a situation where a person has to choose between a walk with Christ or their family. Let's say a son comes home and tells his father, "Dad, I trusted Christ today." The father responds, "I won't have that junk in my house. You can leave Jesus or leave here." Now, the son has a dilemma. Does he find his life through rejecting Jesus and thus forfeit eternal life?  Or does he lose the life he has known by choosing to walk with Jesus and thus finding eternal life? In other words, will he keep his family life in tact while forfeiting his soul or will keep his soul in tact by forfeiting his family? Jesus said that the only way to truly live is to love him more than anyone, to take up our cross (an instrument of suffering and death), and follow him.

Let's apply this to the modern search for self. People seem to be misplacing themselves a lot. Most of us know someone who has been or is now trying to "find" themselves. Most typically, these searches are not conducted in a prayer closet with the Scriptures open and a heart crying out to God. Most commonly, these searches are made by overhauling one's life without consulting the Lord. Consider the "midlife crisis" that many go through. Some men when they get middle-aged (45-60, as if most men live to be 90-120), get a fast car, a new (often younger) woman, change jobs, take up crazy hobbies, buy a wig, or any number of things. Many feel as they got lost in the shuffle during the ordinary business of life. Life passed them by, and they want to live a little. They want to find their life.  However, when we pursue life this way it never find it.

As we age (and hopefully mature), there is a nagging sense that we were made for more which continues to grow. The closer we get, chronologically, to eternity the more eternity tries to break into our consciousness.  Jesus warns us not to pursue happiness, success, fulfillment, purpose, or anything else apart from pursing him. The instant we start pursuing something other than Jesus, we stop pursuing Jesus. The pursuit of Jesus comes with a cost. Some of our hopes and dreams will die on the cross we are called to bear. We will be asked to follow Jesus in to some very painful places. We will face humiliation and rejection, difficulty and tribulation. These things are merely obstacles on the path of life.

The disciples questioned Jesus about this exchange. Peter said, "See, we have left everything and followed you" (Mark 10:28). Jesus replied, "Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and the for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, house and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life" (Mark 10:29-30).  Are you trying to find your life? Let me suggest you begin by humbly submitting yourself to God, taking up your cross, and following Jesus. At first it may feel like you are losing "your life," but in reality, you will be finding your life in the process.