Big Shoes to Fill

This article was originally published here, on December 29, 2008.

This afternoon Sophia began to play with a pair of my shoes. I made some remark about having "big shoes to fill." But, even as I said it my mind began to think about the shoes each father must fill. I know that the type of father I am will determine how Sophia (and future children) will understand the fatherhood of God. I think that is what Paul meant when he warned, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Eph 6:4, ESV). And again he says, "Fathers, do not provoke you children, lest they become discouraged' (Col. 3:21, ESV). Just as the husband and wife relationship was created to reflect the relationship between Christ and his Bride, the Church, so parenting was also meant to reflect God's glory.

When a father fails to discipline his child, he provokes that child to anger, because the child feels as if no one cares and nothing matters. When a father harshly or rashly punishes a child, he provokes the child to anger, because the child feels that nothing he does is good enough or that there is no justice in the world. These are, of course, extreme images, but they help us to understand how the actions of a father can leave a negative imprint on the term father. If your father was a godly man, chances are that you are comforted by the Fatherhood of God. If your father was a tyrant, the Fatherhood of God may be difficult for you to comprehend in a positive way.

Let me state clearly that no human father can fully reflect the perfect love of our heavenly Father. We are all sinners who have fallen short of God's glory, but we are called as Christ's followers to work in his strength to restore that image. The good news is that the Holy Spirit is bringing about the image of Christ in us through the process of sanctification. So how do father's "fill the shoe's" of the heavenly Father? Just as Sophia couldn't fill my shoes with her tiny feet,earthly fathers cannot fill the heavenly Father's "shoes." But, we can follow in his footsteps, and seek to imitate him.

First, we must love unconditionally. It is a love that chooses to love its object, no matter the result (Rom. 5:6-8, 1 John 4:7-21; 1 Cor. 13:4-8). Secondly, our love must also be sacrificial. Not only must we be willing to love our children unconditionally, we must love them no matter the cost. Next, We must discipline our children (Heb. 12:5-11; Prov. 13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:17). Discipline is not the same as punishment. Biblical discipline is about correction. Next, we must discern what is best for our children and safeguard it at all cost. Finally, we must remember our limitations.

We are not God the Father, but we are fathers who seek to imitate the Father. Even as we seek to imitate the Father, we must remember several important facts. First, the Father loves our children more than we ever could, and he loves them perfectly. Second, fatherhood was not meant to be practiced apart from God's gracious assistance (the Fall brought the possibility of becoming a father without knowing the Father, and thus brought all sorts of negative ideas into the concept of fatherhood). Next, we need to remember the Father in heaven is perfect, we are not.

We will often have to repent of our sinful attitudes about and behaviors towards our children. Yes, we will have to confess our sins to our children (I don't mean tell them everything you ever did wrong, but address ways that you have sinned against them).  For example, let's say you have had a bad day at work, you come home and the house is a mess. Your son was supposed to clean it up, but has been playing Nintendo Wii all day. When you see the mess you explode. By explode, I mean you throw a little temper tantrum and verbally lash out at your child. At this point, your action becomes sin, because you acted in anger, not for the correction of your child. So you would need to say something like, "Daddy shouldn't have yelled at you that way. There will still be disciplined for not doing you choirs, but it was wrong of me to act that way. Can you forgive me?"

As a Christian, God has called you to pray for and to teach your children. You should pray for them before they are born (or adopted). You should pray for them to come to salvation, for them to use their gifts and talents in service of the Lord, and for them to make wise choices in life. You should teach them about our holy God. You should teach them about sin, the sinfulness of humanity, and their need of salvation. You should teach them that Jesus is God's answer for sin, and that only Jesus can save us. You should teach them that God commands them to turn from their sin and to trust in Jesus. You should teach them that God calls them to a life of dedicated service. You should teach them to memorize Scripture, confessions of faith, creeds, catechisms, and hymns. You should teach them how all of Scripture points to Jesus. You should teach them how to witness to others, how to carefully think through their faith, and to be ready to give a defense to anyone who asks (1 Pet. 3:15). Even after all the prayers and training, you must trust the Lord to bring about his will. Ultimately, he knows all ends, not us. We just have to trust his providence.

In God's eyes, success is not measured by the number of  "World's Greatest Dad" mugs in the cupboard. It isn't measured by the responses of our children. It's measured in faithfulness to his Word. If we did our best, in faith, through his strength to rear our children in accordance to his Word, that is success. I believe that if we are faithful, more often than not, the fruit will bear out in our children, but that is not always the case. As I watch my sleeping daughter, I am reminded of what Henry Blackaby said, "Disobedience is costly." I realize that her eyes are watching me, her ears are tuned in to hear the words between the words, the wheels of her mind are analyzing everything I say and do. She is measuring the difference between what I say I believe and how I live. If she finds a vast difference between the two she may reject Christ, having concluded that Jesus did not make a difference in me, what could he do for her. But if she finds no difference, or finds repentance in the face of error, and if she finds my profession and life to be in harmony, it may be that she may see that she, too, needs this Jesus.

It is wise not to try to fill our heavenly Father's shoes; they would never fit. Instead, we must faithfully point our children to the one Father who is perfect. We do this through loving them unconditionally, sacrificially, through biblical discipline, by praying for them, and teaching them the gospel. The gospel reminds us all of our limitations, and points to the one who can save us. Pray for me, that I would be a faithful father. Pray that God would help me walk in integrity, humility, and faith. And pray, that in his gracious timing, he would open my little girl's eyes to his fatherhood, and draw her to himself through our precious Lord Jesus.

Editor's Note: Sophia still likes to put on her daddy's shoes from time to time, and every time I see her I realize that I need to walk carefully, because she is following in my footsteps.