What Did I Do?

Do you ever have the feeling you have done something or said something that hurt someone, but you don't know what you did or how to make it better? Maybe it is the awkward silence that settles between you as you attempt a conversation. Maybe it is an icy stare. Maybe they refuse to acknowledge you when you greet them. Sometimes, you can't put your finger on it, but you know something isn't right. What do you do?

If you're like me you let it eat at you like a stomach full of worms--gnawing and biting, wriggling and crawling. You let it keep you up late and get you up early. You might even complain about it to someone, if you can find a sympathetic ear. But, what would God have you do?

1. It may seem trite, but we have to start with prayer. We have to seek God's wisdom in the matter. Remember he give wisdom liberally to all who ask without doubting. Specifically, we need to know if and where we erred. A wound, received or perceived, is still a wound. We need to take accountability for our actions, attitudes, and words.

2. If the Lord reveals something to us that we did or said-we shouldn't seek to defend it or explain it away. We must confess it to him. We should ask him to forgive us for wounding (intentionally or unintentionally) that person.

Then we need to ask him to begin working in their heart to bring about reconciliation. Ask him to pave the way for forgiveness and healing in their hearts. Ask for a restored relationship.

3. Then ask for an open door to ask that person's forgiveness. Ask the Lord for the humility to acknowledge your sin (you confessed it to him, you should be able to confess it to others). Ask him for the boldness to approach the offended party (with humility) and ask for their forgiveness.

4. Then walk through that door (with humility and boldness) when it opens. Ask their forgiveness, without defending yourself or rationalizing away what happened. If you have sought forgiveness from God, through Christ, and earnestly seek forgiveness from the offended person, then you have done all you can do. You can have confidence that God has forgiven you, but the person's response isn't your responsibility. Once you have confessed your sin and sought forgiveness, it is there responsibility to respond in grace and forgive.

5. Finally, I want to offer a word of caution concerning resentment. If at any moment during this process you think or feel that you shouldn't have to ask for forgiveness, you need to go back to the repentance stage. The real problem in a situation like this is pride flare-up. We all make mistakes. We are all capable of hurting someone unintentionally. It's part and parcel of the human condition. We often sin without even knowing it. But, our goal as believer is to bring glory to Christ. We all know he didn't do anything wrong, yet he was willing to die so that we might be forgiven. To paraphrase Paul, "It is better to be wronged, than to pursue your rights and dishonor God."

If you still can't get over feeling that you haven't done anything wrong, and get angry when you think about asking for forgiveness, then don't waste your time asking for forgiveness. God won't grant it and neither will anybody else. Were I stuck in a position like this, I would meditate on my sinfulness and the price paid for my forgiveness. I would pray that God will reveal the depth of my sin and teach me to see it as he sees it. When that prayer was positively answered, I would then pray that he teach me to love others as he loves them.