"What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don't they come from the cravings that are at war within you? You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. You do not have because you do not ask" (James 4:1-2, HCSB).
James's questions penetrate deep into the heart. I have often asked myself in the midst of a fit, why I was so angry? Ninety percent of the time, maybe 99% of the time, my anger is rooted in a perception of slight. In those moments, it feels as if someone has denied my something I obviously deserved. But in reality, I realize that other people have wants and desires.
On an intellectual level, I comprehend that their wants and desires are as important to them as my desires are to me, and that they are probably as deserving of receiving what they desire as I am. Yet on an emotional level, I don't always feel like they deserve it as much as I do. They (probably) haven't worked as hard as I have.
When you combine the frustration that comes with an unmet desire with a deeply embedded emotional response, you get a fight. Maybe it is a fight with words thrown like hand grenades that rip through the flesh into the soul. Maybe you fight with silence and ice. Maybe your fight is really a fight.
But why are we angry in the first place? Because we didn't get what we wanted. We would do well to remind ourselves that its okay to not get everything we ever wanted. We need to ask our own set of penetrating questions. Is it worth this kind of hostility? Have I put to much emphasis on the wrong thing? Will I still want it after I get it?
Think of something you didn't get, and were angry over. Are you still angry about it? Or have you discovered it was actually better not to have it?
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