I can't seem to shake this sadness. It feels as if there is a tornado raging in the space between my heart and my gut, ripping my soul to shreds. But the pain is not mine. I keep thinking of the heartache now endured by people close to me. Loss. Broken dreams. Tears. In reality, it would be unnatural, unholy not to feel this sorrow. It is impossible to watch one we love being wounded so deeply, and not be affected.
I yearn for their comfort. I desperately want some insight into the reasons behind these events, but I am certain that I will probably never really get those answers. This time of darkness will most certainly serve a more noble end, although we cannot see that end just yet. To paraphrase Joseph's statement to his brothers, "Satan meant this for evil, but God meant it for good." Death is not a good thing. It is not what was intended in the original design of humanity. Death enter the world through Adam's rebellion. But just as Adam's sin brought death, so Jesus' death brings life.
In seeking to comfort some grieving souls today, I reminded them of what the psalmist said in Psalm 46:1, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." They were, and are, also a balm to my own heart. As our refuge, the Lord is a place in which we hide and find protection. He shields us from the effects of Adam's sin, and from the effects of our sins as well. As our strength, he enables us to endure under the burden's of life, because he has promised us many great and precious promises. He cannot break his promises. As our very present help, he walks with us, dwells in us, and works through us to bring about his glory.
My heart is heavy for the hurt my friends are enduring, but hope resides there as well. I know his love for them is unquestionable. He demonstrated his love for us through Christ's death on the cross. My faith is not shaken, but my heart is stirred. I have found myself more prayerful, more reflective. I keep praising the Lord for the grace he has so clearly shown us, and I keep asking him to give me the wisdom to trust his grace even when I can't see it as clearly. I also keep praying for those who are hurting, knowing that God is with them and loves them with a love greater than mine.
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