What is the longest you have ever held a grudge? In times past, I have been known to nurse a grudge or two. I was thinking about my propensity toward obsessing over small things. I began to search my memory banks to see how much time I have wasted being petty. Unfortunately, the initial research proved to be too overwhelming. I had to forget the project, because apparently I have struggled with pettiness for a long time.
Whenever I think about grudges, I always remember a certain person who borrowed a dollar from me in the third grade. I'll call them "student x." All through middle school and high school, I couldn't stand student x. I couldn't get that dollar out of my mind. After we graduated high school, I thought about less and less, because student x wasn't there to remind me. As time when by, I assumed I had forgotten about it, because I thought about it less. But I was wrong. That feeling of betrayal sat silently in the cold darkness of my heart, like some forgotten leftovers pushed to the back of the refrigerator, waiting for some curious onlooker to uncover its moldy foulness.
Eventually, the light of the Lord dawned upon my heart, and challenged my feelings for vengeance. My transgression against the Lord was greater than student x's failure to pay back that dollar. My debt was greater than I could ever repay. I had sinned against a holy God, and instead of holding a grudge he offered me forgiveness.
So, in time and by God's grace, I learned to forgive student x. Although I think about that dollar from time to time, I no longer hold a grudge. That debt has been forgiven. So student x, (you know who you are), I just wanted you to know, I forgive you. Let's forget about that dollar (because I know you already have).
Student x the next time I see you at the mall, I won't avoid contact and dodge into a store just to keep you from recognizing me. I won't wonder who your borrowed the money from to buy that $150 purse. I won't entertain the notion that you are spending your rent check while coming up with some sob story to tell your landlord.
If I see you stranded on the side of the road, I won't drive by with a smile on my face. I won't laugh at the delicious sense of poetic justice, because that would be wrong. I might even stop and see if you need any assistance (but I probably won't lend you money). This time, if you need it, I'll give it to you-no strings attached.
God in his graciousness has truly blessed me. He has forgiven me of much, and therefore, much forgiveness is required. Your debt has been paid, and I don't just mean the dollar. I mean that all of us, every human being, has an outstanding sin debt to the Lord that has been paid for with the blood of Christ. If you will seek forgiveness by trusting him, you will find forgiveness and cleansing from all your sin.
Maybe you'll never see this post. Maybe you don't have clue what I'm talking about, because you don't remember borrowing a dollar in the third grade. But forgetting isn't the same thing as being forgiven, and forgiveness isn't the same thing as forgetness. Willie Nelson was right, "Forgiving you is easy, but forgetting seems to take the longest time."
So the next time I tempted to think about that dollar, I'll remember the words of Jesus, "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses" (Matt. 6:14-15, ESV). Then, I'll remind myself that your trespass has been forgiven, because my soul is worth more than a buck. And so is yours.
I hope and pray that those of you reading this will find yourselves ready to de-grudge, and find forgiveness and healing through giving forgiveness. How long have you held that grudge? And who is that has been hurt the most by it? Student x probably forgot that dollar before a week went by, but I lost a friend (and a little bit of my friendliness). Life's too short to hold onto a grudge. Aren't you ready to let it go? Let me hear from you.
No comments:
Post a Comment