Patient Lord Jesus

I feel like a child again. When I was child I measured everything by my birthday. Halloween came a week after my birthday (Candy day was my favorite holiday). Thanksgiving would come about a month later. Then, two months to the day, we would open presents on Christmas Eve. Building up to my birthday I would say I want this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this (you get the picture). I would often nag to open my birthday presents early. And if my parents made the mistake of telling me they already had my present, I would begin my Christmas wishlist. October 25th always started the same when I was a child: "Two more months to Christmas. I want this, and this, and this, and this, Oh, I didn't get that for my birthday, I want it for Christmas." Its a wonder my parents celebrated Christmas at all. I begged and pleaded, fussed and nagged, cried and pouted for two months solid in the hope that I would have everything I wanted and to get it early.

Little has changed since I was child. Now I nag Delia instead of my Mom. And sometimes I nag God. When we got the word that Sophia was out of PGN I was disheartened by the timetable they gave us. I began to say to God, "Sophia coming home on my birthday would sure be a good present." As if God hadn't showered an abundance of good gifts into my life everyday. My birthday drew closer and we hadn't gotten a call. I begin to think, "Sophia coming home for Halloween would sure be a treat." It was clever, but God isn't impressed with our cleverness.

Now I find myself daily asking, "Can I have her today? How about today? Wouldn't today be a good day to go get my little girl." I am reminded of two related sayings of Jesus. Matthew 7:11 states, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him." Luke 18:7-8, "And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?"

Jesus is reminding us that Our Heavenly Father is not a slacker. He is not some cosmic dead beat dad. He is not emotionally withdrawn. He is a passionate protector, provider, and caregiver. When we fail to trust him we doubt the Ever-Faithful, who cannot and would not break his covenant. The God who saw fit to bring Sophia into our lives, sees fit to say, "Wait child, wait." His wisdom is unquestionable, even if I struggle with it, because he sees all things. He is not withholding good from me. He doesn't withhold good things from his children, but delights to give them. However, he gives them in his time and in the way that best suits his purposes. Who are we to question him?

Several weeks ago I said (in a moment of discouragement) that if Sophia wasn't home before Thanksgiving I would have much to be thankful for and that I wouldn't celebrate the holiday. I was wrong. This year, maybe more than any other, I am, and will be continually, thankful for God's patience with me. The Sovereign Creator of the Universe, who redeemed me from the kingdom of darkness, has set me at His table and called me son. He has continually treated me with gentleness and grace. He has poured out, in abundance, gifts beyond measure. And time and time again, I only ask for more. By God's grace, and with his help, I hope to follow his patient example. I will wait for the fullness of time to come for my earthly reunion with my daughter, knowing in my heart that God will bring it to pass. I also know that even as now, my heart will continue to cry out until that moment we are together: "Today, Lord? Will it be Today?" I rest in his patient graciousness and know that he not only hears me, he loves me, and for that I will be eternally grateful.