Learning to Wait

Tom Petty once sang, "The waiting is the hardest part." I tend to agree with him. It seems that life is mostly about waiting. Even at work or play, waiting is part of the process. Whether we want to wait or not, (and usually we don't), we are going to have to wait.

Sophia is impatient. If she gets thirsty, it's right now. The pronouncement is followed by a move closely related to the two-step. It's like a hostile pee-pee dance, complete with tears. During these moments, we encourage her to wait (or sometimes we rush to do what she wants so she'll quit throwing her fit--we're trying to stop doing this. It's bad).

I have found myself growing impatient with Sophia's impatience. I tend to get grumpy, and then I snap. I realize that the best way to instill patience in a child is to model patience for them (along with heavy doses of instruction, practice, and correction). The fact is I don't like to wait. I want to eat when I'm hungry; I want a drink when I'm thirsty. I have learned how to wait (I'm not an expert, but I have had to wait some). I also know it has taken me a long time to get this far. Yet, I want my daughter to be an expert at waiting at 3.

I realize that such a desire is irrational. There are very few people who like waiting. We live in an instant society where people are annoyed by the few seconds it takes their emails to open on their phones. We get mad if we have to wait on our order at McDonald's. How is a three year old suppose to learn patience in this culture? How is a thirty-five year old supposed to get any better at it?

The Scriptures call us to wait upon the Lord. We are to cultivate stillness. Rest is supposed to be woven into the fabric of our lives. Patience is a spiritual muscle that is strengthened by adversity. It can be developed, but it costs. Learning to wait may not be pleasant, but it is important.

How do you develop your patience? How have you improved your waiting skills? Leave a comment. I'll be waiting to hear from you.

The Practice of Waiting

This available was originally published here, on September 23, 2008.

We spend the majority of our life waiting; waiting for someone to write, or call, or visit, or email. We wait for someone to fix our car or for the doctor to see us. I have had a lot of practice at waiting. I waited (impatiently) to turn 13 and be a teenager. I waited to turn 16 and drive a car. I waited to turn 18 so I could vote. I waited for High School to be over, then college, and then Seminary. I waited for the right woman to come along before I got married. I am currently waiting to be united with my daughter, Sophia Hope.

The Scripture calls us to wait on the Lord. David states, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourselves over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices" (Ps 37:7). We do not know the end of all things. We cannot even see what will happen five minutes from now. But God knows all things, and more importantly he is in control. Be still, wait, don't fret--we are called to remember these truths, and to live them out.

We say we "can't wait" for something to express our impatient desire (rightly or wrongly) for immediate satisfaction. We want others to know the depth of our yearning for that thing to pass. I remember when I said, "I can't wait until I get to drive!" But, I did wait--a few years to be exacted. And now my heart says, "I can't wait to go get Sophia!" But, I have to wait--this time only a few weeks. I am okay with it, however, because I have had practice.

James reminds us, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" (Jam 1:2-4). Paul also says, "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, know that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Rom 5:3-5).

I don't mean to minimize the suffering of others, nor do I think that having to wait to bring Sophia home is a massive trial. But, I do believe it is a trial, or test if you will, a trial that compels me to be still and wait on the Lord. He will unite my family. He will bring us together. I do not need to fear or allow worry to consume me. I wait on him who is always faithful, him who is always in control, and him in whom I have placed my trust. My heart cries out, "I can't wait!", but the Spirit speaks to my heart, "I will give you the strength to endure."

Editor's Note:  The waiting came to an end on December 22, 2008, when Delia and I were united with Sophia in Guatemala.   Looking back on it now, I can hardly remember the anxiety that grew within me as I waited for that reunion.  The Lord was faithful to see us through that time of waiting, and he has blessed us beyond belief over the last several months.  I continue to remind myself of his faithfulness every time I face another wait.  His timing is not always our timing, but he is always faithful.

Waiting

The last few weeks have had their highs and lows. It seems that the closer we get to our reunion with Sophia, the more our frustration increases. The days drag by so slowly, yet even as I type everything seems to move so quickly. It feels as if a single hour lasts a day, but before I know it another week is gone. We are caught in kind of timelessness, where today and tomorrow and yesterday are all relative. Time passes, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but we are are always pulled along.

The silence is the worst part for me. There is always a sense of "not knowing" that eats at me. While we were waiting for Sophia to get out of PGN, I was a nervous wreck. Then came the waiting for the birth certificate. And then it was the passport. And then it was the 2nd DNA. Now it is our appointment that is lingering in some nebulous limbo. It rests somewhere out there beyond us. And the long slow tick of the clock makes me want to scream. I just want to know when.

Please, don't miss understand me. I do not doubt the goodness of God. I am not questioning his wisdom. I am fully confident that he is in total control. But anxiety and mistrust are not so easily crucified. The will is not so easily slain. Our desires for control and comfort are forever battling against the knowledge of God. The liar comes and whispers, "Surely if he loved you, he would make this all go faster," or "I wouldn't make my children wait for their desires" or some other nonsense. It may be true that the deceiver gives his children whatever they want and quickly, but it is always to their harm.

Our Father cares for us. He knows us. This wait is not meant to harm me (or Delia), but it is meant to make us more dependent upon him. He knows that there will be a time when we will be tempted to make an idol out of our daughter. He knows that we will be tempted to teach her to love us more than him. We pray that we will not surrender to such temptations. We pray that the Lord will enable us to teach her to know him, to love him, and to depend upon him above all others. I know that as long as I walk this earth there will exist a sense of not knowing, but by the grace of God some day I will learn how to completely lean on him and find confidence in the reality that I am known. I also realize that in learning to submit to God's will, I will one day be able to model that behavior for my children. And I will know from experience, when we are teaching them to be patient and to delay gratification, that the wait will not harm them. It may make them cry, it may make them pout, it may even make them angry, but it will not harm them.

Patient Lord Jesus

I feel like a child again. When I was child I measured everything by my birthday. Halloween came a week after my birthday (Candy day was my favorite holiday). Thanksgiving would come about a month later. Then, two months to the day, we would open presents on Christmas Eve. Building up to my birthday I would say I want this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this (you get the picture). I would often nag to open my birthday presents early. And if my parents made the mistake of telling me they already had my present, I would begin my Christmas wishlist. October 25th always started the same when I was a child: "Two more months to Christmas. I want this, and this, and this, and this, Oh, I didn't get that for my birthday, I want it for Christmas." Its a wonder my parents celebrated Christmas at all. I begged and pleaded, fussed and nagged, cried and pouted for two months solid in the hope that I would have everything I wanted and to get it early.

Little has changed since I was child. Now I nag Delia instead of my Mom. And sometimes I nag God. When we got the word that Sophia was out of PGN I was disheartened by the timetable they gave us. I began to say to God, "Sophia coming home on my birthday would sure be a good present." As if God hadn't showered an abundance of good gifts into my life everyday. My birthday drew closer and we hadn't gotten a call. I begin to think, "Sophia coming home for Halloween would sure be a treat." It was clever, but God isn't impressed with our cleverness.

Now I find myself daily asking, "Can I have her today? How about today? Wouldn't today be a good day to go get my little girl." I am reminded of two related sayings of Jesus. Matthew 7:11 states, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him." Luke 18:7-8, "And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?"

Jesus is reminding us that Our Heavenly Father is not a slacker. He is not some cosmic dead beat dad. He is not emotionally withdrawn. He is a passionate protector, provider, and caregiver. When we fail to trust him we doubt the Ever-Faithful, who cannot and would not break his covenant. The God who saw fit to bring Sophia into our lives, sees fit to say, "Wait child, wait." His wisdom is unquestionable, even if I struggle with it, because he sees all things. He is not withholding good from me. He doesn't withhold good things from his children, but delights to give them. However, he gives them in his time and in the way that best suits his purposes. Who are we to question him?

Several weeks ago I said (in a moment of discouragement) that if Sophia wasn't home before Thanksgiving I would have much to be thankful for and that I wouldn't celebrate the holiday. I was wrong. This year, maybe more than any other, I am, and will be continually, thankful for God's patience with me. The Sovereign Creator of the Universe, who redeemed me from the kingdom of darkness, has set me at His table and called me son. He has continually treated me with gentleness and grace. He has poured out, in abundance, gifts beyond measure. And time and time again, I only ask for more. By God's grace, and with his help, I hope to follow his patient example. I will wait for the fullness of time to come for my earthly reunion with my daughter, knowing in my heart that God will bring it to pass. I also know that even as now, my heart will continue to cry out until that moment we are together: "Today, Lord? Will it be Today?" I rest in his patient graciousness and know that he not only hears me, he loves me, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

The Practice of Waiting

We spend the majority of our life waiting; waiting for someone to write, or call, or visit, or email. We wait for someone to fix our car or for the doctor to see us. I have had a lot of practice at waiting. I waited (impatiently) to turn 13 and be a teenager. I waited to turn 16 and drive a car. I waited to turn 18 so I could vote. I waited for High School to be over, then college, and then Seminary. I waited for the right woman to come along before I got married. I am currently waiting to be united with my daughter, Sophia Hope.

The Scripture calls us to wait on the Lord. David states, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourselves over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices" (Ps 37:7). We do not know the end of all things. We cannot even see what will happen five minutes from now. But God knows all things, and more importantly he is in control. Be still, wait, don't fret--we are called to remember these truths, and to live them out.

We say we "can't wait" for something to express our impatient desire (rightly or wrongly) for immediate satisfaction. We want others to know the depth of our yearning for that thing to pass. I remember when I said, "I can't wait until I get to drive!" But, I did wait--a few years to be exacted. And now my heart says, "I can't wait to go get Sophia!" But, I have to wait--this time only a few weeks. I am okay with it, however, because I have had practice.

James reminds us, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" (Jam 1:2-4). Paul also says, "More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, know that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Rom 5:3-5).

I don't mean to minimalize the suffering of others, nor do I think that having to wait to bring Sophia home is a massive trial. But, I do believe it is a trial, or test if you will, a trial that compels me to be still and wait on the Lord. He will unite my family. He will bring us together. I do not need to fear or allow worry to consume me. I wait on him who is always faithful, him who is always in control, and him in whom I have placed my trust. My heart cries out, "I can't wait!", but the Spirit speaks to my heart, "I will give you the strength to endure."