Lessons from a Funeral Procession

Where I grew up people pulled over when they passed a funeral procession. There was an unwritten rule about respecting the dead and contemplating mortality. I fear things are changing.

As a pastor, I have been in several funeral processions. I'm usually between the police escort and the hearse, so I get to watch as people approach the procession. For some, as soon as they see the hearse, they move to the side of the road and patiently wait for procession to pass them. Others, begrudgingly follow the example of the those drivers, and pull to the side of the road. Some try to creep passed the procession unnoticed. Today, I witnessed a car keep driving as if everything was normal. Maybe they had an emergency. Maybe they were talking on their phone and didn't notice the police lights and the hearse with its flashing lights or the dozen cars crawling up the road with their lights on. But the sight saddened me.

It saddened me because it demonstrated a lack of respect for life (and death). It saddened me to imagine that we live in a world so busy we don't have time to pause a few moments and contemplate the deeper things of life.

Just because things change, doesn't mean respect has to die. We can keep a tradition of respect alive and well. I hope you will pull over the next time you see a funeral procession. Here are somethings you can do while you wait for the procession to finish passing:

1. Thank God that you are alive and well. Even if you are battling a serious illness, you are not in a box headed for your final resting place. God has given you the grace of one more day.

2. Resolve to make the most of the life you have been given. None of us knows when it will be our turn to die, so make the most of every opportunity.

3. Remember those you have lost and the ways in which they impacted your life. 

4. Contemplate your mortality and make certain you are prepared to stand before your maker.

5. Pray for the family and friends of the person in the back of the hearse.

The simple truth is that even the longest funeral procession will be passed you in a matter of moments. Life as you know will resume, but a new life is dawning for those in the funeral procession. It is a life with a hole in it. Your moments of discomfort on the side of the road serves as a silent reminder that their loved one truly mattered. Your display of empathy will also remind them that life in this different world is possible.

Learning to Wait

Tom Petty once sang, "The waiting is the hardest part." I tend to agree with him. It seems that life is mostly about waiting. Even at work or play, waiting is part of the process. Whether we want to wait or not, (and usually we don't), we are going to have to wait.

Sophia is impatient. If she gets thirsty, it's right now. The pronouncement is followed by a move closely related to the two-step. It's like a hostile pee-pee dance, complete with tears. During these moments, we encourage her to wait (or sometimes we rush to do what she wants so she'll quit throwing her fit--we're trying to stop doing this. It's bad).

I have found myself growing impatient with Sophia's impatience. I tend to get grumpy, and then I snap. I realize that the best way to instill patience in a child is to model patience for them (along with heavy doses of instruction, practice, and correction). The fact is I don't like to wait. I want to eat when I'm hungry; I want a drink when I'm thirsty. I have learned how to wait (I'm not an expert, but I have had to wait some). I also know it has taken me a long time to get this far. Yet, I want my daughter to be an expert at waiting at 3.

I realize that such a desire is irrational. There are very few people who like waiting. We live in an instant society where people are annoyed by the few seconds it takes their emails to open on their phones. We get mad if we have to wait on our order at McDonald's. How is a three year old suppose to learn patience in this culture? How is a thirty-five year old supposed to get any better at it?

The Scriptures call us to wait upon the Lord. We are to cultivate stillness. Rest is supposed to be woven into the fabric of our lives. Patience is a spiritual muscle that is strengthened by adversity. It can be developed, but it costs. Learning to wait may not be pleasant, but it is important.

How do you develop your patience? How have you improved your waiting skills? Leave a comment. I'll be waiting to hear from you.

An Encouragment to Continued Prayer

Despair not because you do not get an answer immediately. 

While you are speaking, Jesus is listening. 

If he delays an answer, it is only for wise reasons, 

and to try if you are in earnest. 

The answer will surely come. 

Though it tarry, wait for it. 

It will surely come.

J.C. Ryle--A Call to Prayer

Hymns: Farther Along

Have you ever known someone who felt that living the Christian life wasn't really worth all the trouble?  Maybe you have been there yourself.  We want hardship to be the lot of "sinners" and "unbelievers."  There is a common misconception among Christians today which suggests that placing one's faith in Christ will remove all hardship.  However, that is not the way Jesus counseled countless seekers.  Jesus always warned that one should count the cost of discipleship before following in his tracks.  For some it cost their wealth, others lost their family, others lost their freedom, and still others lost their lives.

Being aware of the fact that believers are guaranteed to suffer in Christ, does not always prepare a believer for suffering. Seeing a murderer go free because of a technicality, forces us to question the reality of justice.  It is difficult to understand how rapists and child molesters are allowed to continue the devastating practices.  Why doesn't God just stop them?  A glance at the paper or a clip of the evening news often leaves us wondering what is going on in the world.

These feelings are nothing new.  In 1937, W. B. Stevens, penned the words to the hymn, "Farther Along."  The song captures both the frustration of the human experience and the reality of providence.  We cannot see all ends.  We don't always (usually) know what God is up to.  In the midst of our confusion, we have the choice to trust or not.  The evidence of God's character compels us to trust.  In order to do that we must look beyond our circumstance to the one who is control, and remind ourselves that he is trust worthy.

Stevens wrote:

Tempted and tried we're oft made to wonder
Why it should be thus all the day long,
While there are others living about us,
Never molested tho' in the wrong.

(Chorus)
Farther along we'll know all about it,
Farther along we'll understand why;
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine,
We'll understand it all by and by.

When death has come and taken our loved ones,
It leaves our home so lonely and drear;
Then do we wonder why others prosper
Living so wicked year after year. (Chorus)

Faithful till death, said our loving Master,
A few more days to labor and wait,
Toils of the road will then seem nothing,
As we sweep through that beautiful gate. (Chorus)

When we see Jesus coming in glory,
When he comes from his home in the sky;
Then we shall meet Him in that bright mansion,
We'll understand it all by and by. (Chorus)

 There will be times in which we must remind ourselves that a day is coming when we will no longer be tempted or tried.  A day is coming when the wicked will no longer prosper.  There is coming day when we shall see our Master in all of his glory and our questions will all drop away.  Until that day, we must remind ourselves that we'll understand it all by and by.

Here is Johnny Cash's version:



Here is Brad Paisley's version:

Waiting

The last few weeks have had their highs and lows. It seems that the closer we get to our reunion with Sophia, the more our frustration increases. The days drag by so slowly, yet even as I type everything seems to move so quickly. It feels as if a single hour lasts a day, but before I know it another week is gone. We are caught in kind of timelessness, where today and tomorrow and yesterday are all relative. Time passes, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but we are are always pulled along.

The silence is the worst part for me. There is always a sense of "not knowing" that eats at me. While we were waiting for Sophia to get out of PGN, I was a nervous wreck. Then came the waiting for the birth certificate. And then it was the passport. And then it was the 2nd DNA. Now it is our appointment that is lingering in some nebulous limbo. It rests somewhere out there beyond us. And the long slow tick of the clock makes me want to scream. I just want to know when.

Please, don't miss understand me. I do not doubt the goodness of God. I am not questioning his wisdom. I am fully confident that he is in total control. But anxiety and mistrust are not so easily crucified. The will is not so easily slain. Our desires for control and comfort are forever battling against the knowledge of God. The liar comes and whispers, "Surely if he loved you, he would make this all go faster," or "I wouldn't make my children wait for their desires" or some other nonsense. It may be true that the deceiver gives his children whatever they want and quickly, but it is always to their harm.

Our Father cares for us. He knows us. This wait is not meant to harm me (or Delia), but it is meant to make us more dependent upon him. He knows that there will be a time when we will be tempted to make an idol out of our daughter. He knows that we will be tempted to teach her to love us more than him. We pray that we will not surrender to such temptations. We pray that the Lord will enable us to teach her to know him, to love him, and to depend upon him above all others. I know that as long as I walk this earth there will exist a sense of not knowing, but by the grace of God some day I will learn how to completely lean on him and find confidence in the reality that I am known. I also realize that in learning to submit to God's will, I will one day be able to model that behavior for my children. And I will know from experience, when we are teaching them to be patient and to delay gratification, that the wait will not harm them. It may make them cry, it may make them pout, it may even make them angry, but it will not harm them.

Patient Lord Jesus

I feel like a child again. When I was child I measured everything by my birthday. Halloween came a week after my birthday (Candy day was my favorite holiday). Thanksgiving would come about a month later. Then, two months to the day, we would open presents on Christmas Eve. Building up to my birthday I would say I want this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this (you get the picture). I would often nag to open my birthday presents early. And if my parents made the mistake of telling me they already had my present, I would begin my Christmas wishlist. October 25th always started the same when I was a child: "Two more months to Christmas. I want this, and this, and this, and this, Oh, I didn't get that for my birthday, I want it for Christmas." Its a wonder my parents celebrated Christmas at all. I begged and pleaded, fussed and nagged, cried and pouted for two months solid in the hope that I would have everything I wanted and to get it early.

Little has changed since I was child. Now I nag Delia instead of my Mom. And sometimes I nag God. When we got the word that Sophia was out of PGN I was disheartened by the timetable they gave us. I began to say to God, "Sophia coming home on my birthday would sure be a good present." As if God hadn't showered an abundance of good gifts into my life everyday. My birthday drew closer and we hadn't gotten a call. I begin to think, "Sophia coming home for Halloween would sure be a treat." It was clever, but God isn't impressed with our cleverness.

Now I find myself daily asking, "Can I have her today? How about today? Wouldn't today be a good day to go get my little girl." I am reminded of two related sayings of Jesus. Matthew 7:11 states, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him." Luke 18:7-8, "And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?"

Jesus is reminding us that Our Heavenly Father is not a slacker. He is not some cosmic dead beat dad. He is not emotionally withdrawn. He is a passionate protector, provider, and caregiver. When we fail to trust him we doubt the Ever-Faithful, who cannot and would not break his covenant. The God who saw fit to bring Sophia into our lives, sees fit to say, "Wait child, wait." His wisdom is unquestionable, even if I struggle with it, because he sees all things. He is not withholding good from me. He doesn't withhold good things from his children, but delights to give them. However, he gives them in his time and in the way that best suits his purposes. Who are we to question him?

Several weeks ago I said (in a moment of discouragement) that if Sophia wasn't home before Thanksgiving I would have much to be thankful for and that I wouldn't celebrate the holiday. I was wrong. This year, maybe more than any other, I am, and will be continually, thankful for God's patience with me. The Sovereign Creator of the Universe, who redeemed me from the kingdom of darkness, has set me at His table and called me son. He has continually treated me with gentleness and grace. He has poured out, in abundance, gifts beyond measure. And time and time again, I only ask for more. By God's grace, and with his help, I hope to follow his patient example. I will wait for the fullness of time to come for my earthly reunion with my daughter, knowing in my heart that God will bring it to pass. I also know that even as now, my heart will continue to cry out until that moment we are together: "Today, Lord? Will it be Today?" I rest in his patient graciousness and know that he not only hears me, he loves me, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

A Watched Pot

We all have heard the old expression, "A Watched Pot Never Boils." We Delia coined a new expression, closely related, "A Watched Email Never Arrives." We had hoped to here something Friday concerning Sophia's passport, but as of yet, we have not heard anything. Now I could complain (and want to), but as I was reminded by my lovely wife, complaining is really an expression of distrust toward God.

When I complain about a situation, at best I am saying that God is not fair. At worst, I am saying that God is not in control. If I believe that God is truly sovereign over all things and that he is always righteous in his judgments, then to question the validity of a circumstance is to question God's character.

When thinking through this truth an image popped into my mind. It was from the movie The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. In one of the early scenes Frodo (one of the main characters) addresses a newly arrived Gandalf (an elderly wizard coming to visit Frodo's uncle Bilbo). Frodo tells Gandalf he is late. Gandalf says something like "a wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins, nor is he ever early. He arrives precisely when he means to."

I am not implying that God is a wizard, but the words reminded me of a truth. God does not operate on human time tables. He has a plan and a purpose and we must submit to him, not the other way around. As Peter reminds us, "With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like a day" (2 Pet. 3:8).

Please continue to pray for us and for the foster family, as well as the birth mother. Pray that we will trust the Lord's purposes for this time of waiting. Pray that we will uphold the glory of his name through humble submission to his will, and that we will not slander his name by complaining. He is faithful and true and in control. Also pray that I can learn how to humbly submit and rest in his sovereign hand. And, please pray, we get Sophia home soon. God Bless.