Log Removal May Be Required

"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye?  Your hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" (Matt. 7:3-5).

Have you every watched someone you love throw their life away?  Have you had to watch helplessly as they inch closer and closer to death?  It may be that you find yourself wondering if today might just be the day you get that call--the wretched call that tells you the torturous waiting is over, and your worst fears are realized.  Such phone calls do not bring about relief.  They only intensify the pain.

How can we help someone who is in the habit of making bad choices? Is there any sense in warning someone who has shown as much interest in repentance as a four year-old boy shows in a bath?  What about your own sin?  You know the one (or ones) I'm talking about--those sins you detest, but persist in.  Every time they trip you up you vow to never do them again, but much to soon you find your vows broken into a thousand pieces.

Jesus warns us of the inherent danger of looking to the sins of others without first looking to our own.  But is this an absolute prohibition against confronting others in their sin (especially when there is sin in our lives)?  The context of this passage suggests that isn't what Jesus meant.  Yes, Jesus wonders why someone is worried about sin in another's life, but blissfully ignorant of their own sin.  But his solution to such strange approach is not to command silence, but to call for confession and repentance.  He says, "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" (Matt. 7:5).

We are to remove the "log" from our own eye, that is to remove sin from our lives.  This does not mean that only sinless people can warn, correct, or encourage people.  It means that we must approach them in humility, fully aware of our own sinful tendencies, and completely dependent upon the grace of God that is in Christ Jesus.  In such an atmosphere, we extend to them the grace we wish to receive.  We treat them as fallen brothers until they prove otherwise.  We do not approach the situation with an attitude of superiority, but one of sympathy.  If not by God's grace, we to would be carried away into some greater mischief.

We remove the log from our eye by confessing our sin to Jesus and trusting him to cleanse us of all unrighteousness.  We earn the right to correct by walking the humility that comes from grace.  We aren't moral authorities, as if we don't make mistakes.  We are broken individuals who know where to turn to be fixed.  When we encounter other broken people, we just point them in the right direction.  The goal isn't to get them to behave the way we want; the goal is to point them to Jesus.

So don't be afraid to approach someone you love with a message that confronts them in their sin.  It isn't hypocrisy if you're not pretending to be something your not.  I hope this emboldens you to speak to that person you've been afraid to talk to.  I hope they see your heart, and God uses it to move their hearts to repentance.  I hope you will tackle the logs in your life, so that you might see clearly to point other toward the right path.

Okay, I'll Say It, "I Told You So!"

"Since they had been without food for a long time, Paul stood up among them and said, 'Men, you should have listened to me and not have set sail from Crete and incurred this loss.  Yet now I urge you to take heart, for there will be no loss of life among you, but only the ship'" (Acts 27:21-22, ESV).

Have you ever battled the temptation to tell someone, "I told you so!"?  I know I have.  For one reason or another people who seek advise rarely ever take it.  It seems to me that they are compelled to know the right course of action, so they can definitely not take it.  Your gracious words fall on their ears like a hammer on an anvil--they don't leave an impression.

Often times, we have to watch helplessly as their lives spiral out of control.  We warn and rebuke, gently and patiently, calling them to return to their senses.  Too often, these calls to repentance are also unheeded. Down and down they fall approaching terminal velocity as they near rock bottom.

The worry wears on you, and it feel like you have compassion fatigue.  You want to care for them, but you can't hardly get yourself to believe they'll change.  And somehow they survive hitting rock bottom, and ask you to help them put the pieces together.  In your frustration, you want to tell them, "I told you this would happen."  But you can't.  If you tell them, "I told you so," out of frustration, they won't hear you.  They'll only here your anger and seek help elsewhere.

But there is a place for graciously reminding your listeners of your previous wisdom and insight.  Just as Paul, gentle chides the boat's crew hear in Acts 27:21-22.  In essence, Paul tells them that if they had listen to him they would have experienced this loss.  He doesn't tell them this to strike back at them for their foolish rejection of his sage advise.  No, he does these to remind them of his wisdom.  What he said would happen did happen.  He knew what he was talking about, and they need to know that he knew.  Why?  Because Paul had another warning for them, one that would cost many lives if it wasn't heeded.

When you are tempted to stomp on some foolish person, who has failed to listen to your advice, with a great big "I told you so," think twice.  Are you doing it because you want them to acknowledge that they were wrong and you were right? Or are you doing it because you know they need to listen to what you are saying?  If you are trying to win the title of the world's "rightest" person, save your "I told you so."  If you are trying to spare them another fall and more devastating consequences, remind them gently, "Remember, when I tried to get you to listen before.  Friend, hear me now."

Finding More Favor

"Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue" (Prov. 28:23, ESV).

Proverbs express truths that are normally true, in most circumstance.  They are not absolute truths, or promises, that guarantee specific outcomes.  For instance, this proverb would not be true in the case of rebuking a fool (Prov. 17:10), or a scoffer (Prov. 13:1).  Nor would it be true in a case where the rebuke is misguide, that is, aimed at the wrong person or the wrong situation.

Rebuke is a biblical tool of change.  The wise yearn for it, for they know that they cannot always see things the way they are.  Our attitudes shape our opinions; they sometimes cloud our judgment.  It is helpful to have an "outside" opinion occasionally to help recalibrate our lives.

We should not understand the process of rebuking as undue harshness.  While there may be times that a rebuke must be delivered with harshness, it does not always have to be.  A rebuke points out an error in hopes that it will be corrected.  A rebuke acts a stop sign urging the listener to throw on the brakes.  It is better to rebuke from a genuine love and care for the person we are rebuking.

As we speak the truth in love, in generates appreciation in God's people.  Now the appreciation may not be immediate.  They may not hear our rebuke and then burst into the "Hallelujah Chorus."  There may be a time of anger that flows an initial rebuke, but in true believers it will pass.  Their anger will give way to gratitude as the Spirit works righteousness into their heart.

As their heart grows in gratitude, we see the truth of this proverb come to fruition.  When we perceive our error, and are able, by faith and repentance, to move past it, we esteem our rebuker more highly.  It is natural for believers to honor those who steer them back into the path of righteousness, whenever they have drifted.

Don't withhold correction from those to whom it is due.  Don't flatter when you should rebuke, no one will love you for it (except maybe a fool).  Don't be angry when you are rebuked, but rather rejoice in the knowledge that someone loves you enough to direct you back to the straight and narrow.  When was the last time you thanked someone for lovingly rebuking you?  Maybe you should think about thanking them.

Faithful Are the Wounds

"Better is open rebuke than hidden love.  Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy" (Prov. 27:5-6, ESV).

A recent encounter reminded me of the truthfulness of this passage.  Solomon reminds us that love speaks the truth, even when it is unpleasant.  An open rebuke creates the opportunity for confession and repentance.  It provides a chance to experience cleansing and renewal.  A hidden love remains just that, hidden.

If a friend's words wound because they are true, it is for our benefit.  Rebuke is an important act of love.  When we neglect it we send the wrong message.  If we don't rebuke those we love when they do wrong, we are telling them that they are not doing anything wrong.  With our silence we condemn them to unrighteousness.

 This passage reminds us to be friends who speak the truth in love, who offer rebuke when needed, and who avoid flattery.  These actions are loving actions.  Hidden love, that is unspoken rebuke, is useless.  It does no one any good.  It hurts the one hiding it, because they never get reciprocation.  It hurts the one it is hidden from, because they never get to experience it.  It takes guts to speak hard truths to people in sin, but those truths are best delivered by tender hearts.