The Time of My Life

It is hard to believe that this year marks the 20th anniversary of my high school graduation. In some ways, it seem like only yesterday--that is until I see an old photo. When I see an old photo, I wonder what happened to the time. I know where the time went. I won't bore you with the details. Life happened.

Twenty years ago, I was ruminating on the un-reassuring promise that those days "were the best days of my life." Such a promise cast a long, dark shadow over my future. I feared that if high school represented the best life had to offer the rest of life would be nearly impossible to bear. I battled with depression, anxiety, and insecurity in those days, and the thought of things only getting worse, pushed in me in a bad direction.

At 18, I didn't think I would be around to see a 20 year reunion. A couple of years ago, around my 36th birthday, I realized I had lived longer than the teenage me thought we would. With that realization, I came to understand that I had been operating on old plan. I hadn't made a "what comes after 35 plan."

In truth, the boy I was died along time ago. It happened late in 1995, when the truth of the gospel awakened my heart to reality of God and my need of forgiveness. My life took a definite turn (although the journey hasn't always gone as smoothly as I had hoped it would). I still make a lot of mistakes, but I am a different person today.

I have spent the last 18+ years discovering the best times of my life. In 1999, I married the love of my life, Delia. In 2008, we adopted our daughter Sophia. I have pastored the same church since August of 2001. I have learned much in the last several years.

We have encountered difficulty along the way. The hardest was the loss of our daughter Ellie in 2006. Born prematurely, she survived almost five months before she went to be with the Lord. That kind of loss changes a person, they never recover even if they are able to adjust to the new normal and move forward with life. But God, in his grace, carried us. We survived.

Even in my darkest days, I can say these are the best days of my life. Yet, through faith, I look for better days to come. I don't know that I would go back and change anything. I would be afraid that I wouldn't be the man I am today, if I did. But if I could go back, with the assurances that changes made would only make me a better person today. I probably would.

I find it interesting that days that felt life-or-death 20 years ago are often difficult to recall. Moments I swore I would never forget are lost to the past. And yet, I still let regret linger in my mind. What could have been? It doesn't matter. I'm content with what is, and excited about what is to come. I hope you are at peace with your past, and happy in present. Twenty years can pass in blink of the eye, so make the most out of this moment.

A Picture of Regret

Regret is a terrible burden to carry.  It tends to stoop the shoulders, bow the back, and bend the knees.  It makes eye contact feel like intense interrogation.  Missed opportunities, harsh words unleashed, broken promises, shattered dreams--these are some of the things most of us carry around.  Somewhere in the back of our mind a little voices sings, "What if?" or "If only."

Little in this world is as effective at ripping open an old wound like a jog down memory lane.  For those of you who have always made the right choices, memory lane is probably a great street to race down periodically.  However, it isn't as pleasant for some.  Photo albums are wonderful things to have, but they can also remind you of things you regret.

When you look back at those faces, places, and events stamped on paper, it can remind you of that awesome present you got when you were 12 and hoped you would be able to pass down to you kids (but eventually you broke).  It can remind you of that time your family ran around the house playing a crazy version of tag, because of some goofy show you watched.

But photo albums can also remind you of words left unsaid.  They can remind you of how fickle your heart is or how judgmental you can be.  They remind you that life is made up of hundreds of moments--some good, some bad, some awesome, some terrible,--and that each is an opportunity to do more or be more than you think possible.  They can also remind you of people that you have lost--some to death, others that just faded out of your life.

Have you ever experience a profound sense of melancholy when looking at a photo album?  Do you find regret staring back at you from the pages of your scrapbook?  How do you deal with regret? 

Leave Them with Regret

"And he departed with no one's regret" (2 Chr. 21:20b).

These are chilling words.  How bad does a person have to be if no one regrets their death?  I realize that not regretting someone's death and rejoicing at their death are two different things, but I doubt that they are that different.

Jehoram, king of Judah, executed his brothers (and probably some of his cousins) when he ascended his throne (2 Chr. 21:4).  He followed "the way of the kings of Israel, as the house of Ahab had done" (2 Chr. 21:6).  He extended pagan worship throughout the kingdom of Judah, angering the Lord.

Because of Jehoram's great wickedness, God sent a plague on the people, he stirred up the anger of the Philistines against Judah, and struck Jehoram with an incurable disease of the bowels.  His death was slow and painful.  His power and wealth were diminished. In spite of all his pain and suffering, no one cared.

I can't imagine being such a horrible human being that no one grieved my passing.  I would like to believe that my death would be mourned by several (for one because they deemed it untimely, and two because they thought I was a descent fellow).  Of course, I don't really want find out who all would come to my funeral.

As I am thinking about this passage, it occurs to me that wisdom dictates that we choose the best course in which to walk.  Jehoram was very foolish. There was no reason for him to execute his brothers, to extend false worship, etc.  It also teaches me that a life devoted to ignoring God will not be remembered in the long run.

If you want to be remembered, don't devote yourself to self-veneration.  Labor for the glory of God and the good of your neighbor.  People always remember kind people. Live in such a way that you leave people with regret over your loss.

Thank God There Is No Rewind Button on Life

Have you ever wished there was a rewind button in life?  You might be thinking of a particular day at this very moment.  You might even be tempted to think that pressing the rewind button would give you a fresh start.  However, pressing the rewind button would only give you the opportunity to mess up again.

The better approach to life is to find the reset attitude button and to push it frequently.  We don't need to the opportunity to avoid mistakes.  We need the ability to learn from those mistakes.

This past weekend, I made a comment about being glad when the weekend would be over, to which a neighbor said, "You're wishing your life away."  Those words have played upon my mind for days.

This morning we had a couple of unforeseen, and somewhat unpleasant, events happen.  As the dust began to settle, I said, "I wish I could hit the rewind button."  I let the words fly from my lips like an arrow without much thought.  Yet, latter I found that these words also represent a "wishing away."

I was wishing away a providence I didn't deem wise or caring.  I was wishing away the opportunity to grow in mercy and compassion.  I was wishing away an opportunity to serve. 

Events that make us want to rewind the clock can teach us many things.  First, and foremost, plan wisely and stick to the plan.  It takes discipline, but it also eliminates many of the mistakes we wish we would not have made.  Secondly, give thought to your words, and password protect your mouth.  Don't give free reign to your tongue, it will only come back to bite you.  Thirdly, don't waste your life wallowing in regret, repent and move on.  Life is too short to waste it looking back on mistakes.  Christ is gracious and invites you to come to him and find cleansing.  Fourthly, God allows it to rain on the just and unjust.  Stuff happens, learn to praise him in the midst of it.  Finally, God is infinitely trustworthy, cling to him. 

If we keep these lessons in mind, we will find it gets easier to reset our attitudes.  When life comes at you, you have the choice in how you will respond.  You can let it beat you down or you can let it make you wiser, stronger, and more effective.  Stop reaching for the rewind button, and thank God he is in control.

It Could Be Worse, But You Might Not Think So!

Do you ever find yourself grumbling about all the difficulties in your life?  Does it ever feel like you got the short end of the stick? Or that everyone else has it just a bit better than you do?  The human tendency is to overestimate the actual amount of difficulty in one's life.  Maybe it isn't the human tendency, I just might be the only person who suffers this way.  You see what I mean.

There is a real danger in overemphasizing our own hardships.  Things are rarely as bad as they seem.  If we look hard enough (and sometimes we don't even have to look that hard), it is easy to find someone (or many) who is walking through an even darker valley.  There may be those who have life just a bit better than we do, but there are, most likely, those who have it far worse.

We spend so much of our time focused on what isn't, that we never get around to celebrating what is.  We snuggle up with our regrets as if they offer us warmth and security, when in fact they are slowly squeezing the life from us like a serpent.  Countless hours are wasted on "what ifs" and "if onlys."  It is one thing to look at something you wished you had accomplished in the past, and become motivated to accomplish it now.  However, it is a waste of time to wish you would have done something in the past, while doing absolutely nothing about it.

Yesterday has no potential.  It cannot be undone, only revisited, and even then it only serves to teach us about today.  If we will listen to the past, we will not be doomed to repeat the same mistakes.  It can make us wiser, but only if we refuse to worship it.  We have to go back and ask the right questions.  The wrong questions will only detain us in the past, and keep us making the same mistakes.

Thus, we must learn to reclaim the present, having been informed by, but not chained to the past.  In the present there is only one pressing issue with which we must come to terms: what is it that God would have me to do.  Every other issue will spiral out from this initial one.  Once we know what God would have us to do (the starting point on this journey is trusting Jesus), then we set out to accomplish it.  God has given us everything we need to accomplish his will, if only we will obey his Word.

What that means for us is that time wasted in grumbling would be better spent in prayer and praise.  It mean that God has given us the ability to learn and grow through the difficulties that are in our lives.  It means that there is a greater purpose in our lives than personal euphoria.  God isn't as interested in our comfort as he is in our conformity to the image of his Son.  God isn't as concerned with our happiness as he is with our holiness.  By the grace of God, we can put the past in its proper perspective, and live for the Lord's glory both now and forever.