Happy 13th Anniversary

Today marks Delia's and my 13th anniversary. It doesn't feel like it should be that long. They have passed way too quickly. We're over half way to our 25th anniversary. So far it has been an amazing adventure. I'm grateful she still loves me in spite of my pride and selfishness. I like what Andrew Peterson says in his song, "Dancing in the Mine Fields,":

"We bear the light of the Son of Man,
So there is nothing left to fear.
So walk with you in the Shadowlands,
Until the shadows disappear."

Love Is a Good Thing

I thought I would repost this video in honor of my anniversary.  I hope you enjoy it.

Happy 11th Anniversary, Delia!

"Your are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you" (SOS. 4:7, ESV).

Shortly after I arrived in Pineville, Kentucky, to attend Clear Creek Baptist Bible College, I met a lovely young woman.  She was bright and beautiful, charming and funny.  She had a joyful spirit that radiated out of her.  Whenever she entered a room, the air crackled with energy.  Her passion for life and the Lord were contagious.  She was just fun to be around.

And then it happened.  It wasn't planned or intentional.  Looking back on it, I still can't pinpoint when the shift occurred.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Let me back up. 

Most men (and probably women) have a standard by which they measure the opposite sex. For some it is their first crush, a high school sweetheart, or some celebrity.  They measure the attractiveness of their potential mate against an idealized version of that person.  It often sounds like this: they're too tall or too short, too skinny or too fat, too hairy or too bald, or they have the wrong colored hair or eyes, etc.

I, too, had an ideal mate in mind, the person I thought would make me happy.  But then it happened.  It occurred to me on the drive back to Pineville one weekend.  There had been a revolution in my heart, and woman who had at one time been my standard was dethroned.  I came to realize that I had begin measuring the opposite sex by a brand new standard.  The change happened so subtly that the realization shocked me.

In that instant, I realized that I had been looking for a woman with her character, beauty, passion, joy and dedication.  I wanted a woman who loved the Lord, and wanted to devote her life to serving him, just like her.  I wanted a woman that motivated me to be a better person, just like her.  I wanted a woman who studied and believed the Word of God, just like her. She had become the standard.

The problem with ideals is that we rarely believe we can obtain them.  I hoped I could meet a girl just like her, because I didn't think I stood a chance with her.  Losing her friendship was not a risk I was willing to take.  If I asked her out, and she said no, I doubted that our friendship would endure. 

But my feelings for her continued to grow in spite of my fear.  Finally, I sought advise from a pastor I trusted.  He told me, "Run it up the flagpole, and see who salutes!"  In other words, I needed to find out if she felt the same way.  So I took the plunge, I told her how I felt, and asked if she would like to go study (the Bible) with me.  Things grew from there.

It didn't take me long to realize that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her so I asked her to marry me. First in the prayer chapel, and then during a revival service on campus.  And to my amazement she said yes (both times).  If you haven't figured it out by now ( then your pretty slow), that wonderful woman is my wife, Delia.

We entered into holy matrimony, in the presence of the Lord and several witnesses, on June 5, 1999.  When the doors opened, I remember thinking I was going to burst with excitement.  She began marching toward me, dressed in white, and more beautiful than anything I could imagine.  My heart pounded in my chest.  She was about to be mine, and I would be hers, for the rest of our lives.

Eleven years have passed since that afternoon when we pledged our lives and our love to each other.  There have been several changes in our lives.  We have moved a few times.  We found a place to serve the Lord.  We have been blessed with two daughters, one of which we lost.  We have cried some.  We have laughed a lot.  But one thing hasn't changed: she still my ideal woman.  She still makes me want to be a better man.  She still loves the Lord, and wants to serve him with her whole heart.  She is still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. 

When you say, "eleven years," it sounds like a long time, but looking back they passed by like mere moments.  I have been richly blessed to have the opportunity to love and be loved by, Delia.  I pray that the Lord will give us many more years together.  And I pray that they will be even sweeter than the years we've had. 

Don't Lose the Crown

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones" (Prov. 12:4, ESV).

The book of Proverbs ends by answering the question, "An excellent wife who can find?" (see Prov. 31:10-31). I find this to be an interesting fact due to the rather lengthy introduction (Prov. 1-9), which informs the readers that the books goal is to allow them "to know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight, to receive instruction in wise dealing, in righteousness, justice, and equity; to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth" (Prov. 1:2-4). The book fleshes out the practical implications of walking humbly with God in everyday life, so it is no surprise that relationships in general, and marriage, specifically, are addressed.

Heterosexual marriage was designed to be the normal pattern for humanity. Although, there have always been individuals that were destined for singleness, or celibacy. As Jesus responded to the statement that it is better not to marry, "Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let one who is able to receive this receive it" (Matt. 19:10-12, ESV).

Paul, who was apparently a eunuch for the sake of the kingdom, said, "I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion" (1 Cor. 7:7-9). Paul's reason for advocating celibacy is simple: a person who is married cannot, in good conscience, devote all of their energy to the Lord (see 1 Cor. 7:32-35). However, Paul readily admits that not everyone can be celibate. It is better to be married (and practicing proper conjugal rights, see 1 Cor. 7:1-5), than to commit sexual immorality.

I say all of this for a purpose. While marriage is the norm, singleness is not abnormal. It is perfectly acceptable for a person who is single, and does not struggle with sexual desire, to remain single. However, those who struggle continually with sexual temptation are most likely not called to celibacy. But, they aren't called to make haste either.

Apart from faith in Christ, the choice of one's spouse is one of the most important decisions a person can make. The choice shouldn't be made on the outward appearances, because these will eventually fade. After all, "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion" (Prov. 11:22, ESV). The choice of one's spouse, especially for believers, should be based on pleasing the Lord. It is said, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord" (Prov. 18:22, ESV). Concerning the excellent wife Proverbs concludes, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (Prov. 31:30, ESV).

But what happens if a person chooses foolishly? Proverbs warns, "It is better to live a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife," (Prov. 21:9, 25:24); and "It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman," (Prov. 21:9); and "A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike," (Prov. 27:15). But even more importantly, marrying the "wrong" person is sin. Paul warns against being "unequally yoked" with non-believers, a principle that most certainly applies to marriage (2 Cor. 6:14). Of course, this principle applies to those going into a situation, not those who are already in a situation. Paul clearly teaches that a believer who is already married to an unbeliever must stay so long as the unbeliever consents (see 1 Cor. 7:10-16).

A believer who is single should never go into a situation assuming that their non-believing companion will come to Christ, because they are dating. It is more likely that the believer will be drawn away from obedience, by the non-believer. And it goes deeper than asking the questions: "Do you believe in Jesus?" and "Where do you go to church?". We have to hold up their life to the light of Scripture and say, "This is what the Bible says a Christian should look like. Is this what I see in this person's life?" If a person answers, "no," to that question, then we need he or she needs to move on.

These things are easy for me to say, because I have been crowned with an excellent wife. She is loving and supportive. She believes in me and encourages me. She is my best friend and my lover. She is a wise counselor and good listener. She is beautiful both inside and out. We share a passion for the glory of the Lord.

I understand the dilemma that many singles face. Before I came to know Christ, the world's opinions of meaning shaped my life. I felt lonely and isolated. I wanted someone who could "complete" me. Something was better than nothing. Even as a new believer, these opinions drove me. I continued to feed my flesh, and allowed it to drive me in a relentless pursuit of "fulfillment."

As I grew in Christ, by studying his Word, I began to see that only Jesus could complete me. That gnawing, nagging, gaping hole of desire, could only be truly satisfied by Christ. My life could be radically different than it is had the Lord not changed my course. I do not mean that it has come without difficulty. The flesh is still flesh, even though a man resides within it. Everyday the battle rages. Everyday I have to crucify the flesh continually, and put death its desires. But, I have help. Both the Lord and the wife he has given me help me to carry on.

If you have a spouse who loves the Lord and loves you, be grateful. If you have a spouse that loves you, but doesn't love the Lord, be prayerful. If you don't have spouse, and you love the Lord, be careful. The decision you make will have a greater impact on you than you can imagine. With 700 wives and 300 concubines, Solomon knew a thing or two about marriage (although he didn't apparently know how to say, "no," to his desires). He offers Spirit-inspired warnings against foolish relationships. Life is too important, and too short, to spend it with the wrong person.