It is hard to believe that this year marks the 20th anniversary of my high school graduation. In some ways, it seem like only yesterday--that is until I see an old photo. When I see an old photo, I wonder what happened to the time. I know where the time went. I won't bore you with the details. Life happened.
Twenty years ago, I was ruminating on the un-reassuring promise that those days "were the best days of my life." Such a promise cast a long, dark shadow over my future. I feared that if high school represented the best life had to offer the rest of life would be nearly impossible to bear. I battled with depression, anxiety, and insecurity in those days, and the thought of things only getting worse, pushed in me in a bad direction.
At 18, I didn't think I would be around to see a 20 year reunion. A couple of years ago, around my 36th birthday, I realized I had lived longer than the teenage me thought we would. With that realization, I came to understand that I had been operating on old plan. I hadn't made a "what comes after 35 plan."
In truth, the boy I was died along time ago. It happened late in 1995, when the truth of the gospel awakened my heart to reality of God and my need of forgiveness. My life took a definite turn (although the journey hasn't always gone as smoothly as I had hoped it would). I still make a lot of mistakes, but I am a different person today.
I have spent the last 18+ years discovering the best times of my life. In 1999, I married the love of my life, Delia. In 2008, we adopted our daughter Sophia. I have pastored the same church since August of 2001. I have learned much in the last several years.
We have encountered difficulty along the way. The hardest was the loss of our daughter Ellie in 2006. Born prematurely, she survived almost five months before she went to be with the Lord. That kind of loss changes a person, they never recover even if they are able to adjust to the new normal and move forward with life. But God, in his grace, carried us. We survived.
Even in my darkest days, I can say these are the best days of my life. Yet, through faith, I look for better days to come. I don't know that I would go back and change anything. I would be afraid that I wouldn't be the man I am today, if I did. But if I could go back, with the assurances that changes made would only make me a better person today. I probably would.
I find it interesting that days that felt life-or-death 20 years ago are often difficult to recall. Moments I swore I would never forget are lost to the past. And yet, I still let regret linger in my mind. What could have been? It doesn't matter. I'm content with what is, and excited about what is to come. I hope you are at peace with your past, and happy in present. Twenty years can pass in blink of the eye, so make the most out of this moment.
